Self love is the best love...
Sharing the journey of the girl who found herself on the other side of the world. Blogging my way into your hearts by sharing my personal stories of fails and wins throughout this crazy thing we call life.
I turned 31 on January 31, 2015 and determined it wouldn't just be my "Golden birthday" it would be my "Golden year" and boy was it! It was the year I finally put myself first. It was the year I had so many aha and light bulb moments! It was a combination of things that led me to what was the best year of my life...yet! I can distinctly remember whenever anyone would ask "how are you doing?" I would simply say something along the lines of "Everything is great; smooth sailing; no real highs, no real lows and I'm going to ride THIS wave as long as I can!" You see, I'm no stranger to change, trauma, heartbreak or the like; in fact. it's kind of what I had trained myself to "expect". It was a strange and unfamiliar feeling to feel as though everything was simply content. Although, I wasn't sure how to explain it; I wasn't going to do anything crazy to rock the boat!
I will share one MAJOR thing that I did intentionally set in motion: there would be no dating; no relationships; no men in my life romantically. Say what?! Yes! Hindsight is your best friend and this was going to be the year of retrospect and soul searching. I wholeheartedly FINALLY realized that I'd spent my teen aged years and all of my twenties chasing a man, wishing a man was chasing me or in a relationship that was very wrong for me. Apparently, I like to learn the hard way. ;-) The truth us I'd been carrying beliefs around with me such as "I'm not worthy"; "I'm not good enough"and "I'm not lovable". No wonder I was endlessly searching for acceptance where I'd never, ever find it.
This is why 2015 was the year of Tianna Leigh! I decided to put all my eggs into my OWN basket for once. I wanted to learn how to fill my own love tank up, how to truly love myself and how to stand on my own two feet; emotionally. I no longer even wanted a relationship - for ONCE in my life! I wanted to work on my relationship with myself. It was the year I looked forward to and even ENJOYED spending time alone for the first time in my life. There was a point in time in the past where if I didn't have something on my social calendar for an evening; I was anxious. I always wanted to be around someone...but not anymore. Don't get me wrong; I still get my energy from spending time and connecting with my special people for sure, but I also love my T time. In fact, I need it I learned.
I'd had so many "why am I not good enough" conversations with myself to last a lifetime that I finally learned I AM ENOUGH and MORE THAN ENOUGH! I finally understood that happiness truly comes from within and until I was able to see myself through self-loving eyes that I would always be looking outside of myself for "love", "acceptance" and "happiness". It's so wonderful to be on the other side of the coin and know that I am enough; all on my own. All along; I never needed anyone to tell me I was worthy or lovable; I simply need to tell MYSELF.
2015 was the year I took a sabbatical from my life and everything I've ever known to spend a magical month in Bali writing my inspirational memoir that I just know will change lives and has been a soul calling since I was 16. May I just say that 2015 was ridiculously good?! I finally found T and not only did I find her; I fell in love with her. As Carrie Bradshaw said "Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first" - oh so true!
Having authentic conversation makes my heart sing. I love hugs. I live for connecting with people on a deeper level. I feel as though it is my soul calling to share my stories and perspective to be a light in this world. I'm exactly where I need to be and I'm very much looking forward to the bright future...